Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Kids are Alright...Right???

As a photographer, I am confident and although I know I have a lot to learn (which will probably be an understatement for my entire life if I am lucky), I know it is my calling and my creative passion so it is always a happy work in progress and I am not very hard on myself when I make mistakes.  

Being a wife is pretty much the same.  I love my husband, I love my home and our life together and we are a happy couple.  Not perfect, but happy!  Through good and bad times, ups and downs we are a team...sooo I am not too hard on myself in that department either.  

So why is it then that I am brutally critical with myself when it comes to motherhood??  It sucks (the guilt, not motherhood ;-)!  I loose sleep, have less lovin' with the hubby, I eat more junk, I stay up late working and writing in my blog...wait, scratch that last one because it is not so bad!  I know I am not the only one who feels this way and I have had this conversation with a few girl friends over the years and many of them feel this way too.  

So why is it that just when I think I have it down and am ready to congratulate myself on a job well done (well, relative to a 5 and 2 year old who are generally pretty well behaved) WHAM!  the darn guilt and bad mommy feelings come back!   

Damn...(sometimes it feels like a punch in the gut).

Here's the deal.  I know I am doing a good job with my kids.  No, I think most of the time I am doing a great job with my kids! But sometimes maybe I am less than stellar as a parent and could be a bit more ______________ patient, calm, enthusiastic, energetic, creative (fill in the blank)...  

I know they are smart, happy, very well adjusted kids (plus, they sleep beautifully!) and they love me and hubby very, very much but, (here comes the but....) I still feel like I am not as good as I can be sometimes!  

There, I said it.  

And you know what I tell myself over and over?   

It is soooo ok to make mistakes (I cannot be a hypocrite because I tell my kids that all the time).  Besides,  individuality and imperfection is what makes us and the world interesting.  

I don't want perfect kids I want MY kids and putting too much pressure on myself will inevitably make everyone is miserable.  

"If mamma ain't happy...ain't nobody happy"...amen to that!!!

I will repeat the above mantra 17 times before bed every night and I will sleep and eat better and have more time with hubby because I am not so wound up about being someone or something (aka: June Cleaver) that I AM NOT!

Well, I think I worked that one out pretty well for the night.  Who needs therapy when you have a blog that no one is reading yet to tell your own daemons to...brilliant!!! 

Good Night!!!

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