Monday, March 25, 2013

Holding Out...

I am going to let you in on a secret I have been keeping. 

 I have been holding out on myself. And you. And my work.  

Please allow me to explain.  

Since I started my business three and a half years ago (and likely even before then),  I have been comparing myself to other photographers and artists to decide whether my work was worthy of anyones trust.  Secretly hiding the fact that somehow some of these others have a "magic" that I don't.  A "secret" I don't know and quite possibly, might never know.  I have been holding back some of my favorite photos, thoughts and words because I fear they are less than perfect.  That somehow you will know that I don't have the "magic" or know the "secret" and will be outed.  Humiliated.  Failed.  

It has taken a bit of time but I have figured a couple of things out this past year about myself and my work.

1.  "Magic" does not come without authenticity.  Only in the moments that I am 100% authentic and honest with myself and my photography do I feel the connection between my soul and my work.  Showing my soul and the energy of the collaborative vision between my client and myself..THIS is magic.  Magic is not achieved trying to be someone I am not or someone who I think will be better than who I really am.  Scarred, flawed, simply "ok" does not always feel safe and I have been rejecting that part of myself (even though I encourage others to share their "flawed" selves).  I have been holding back my genuine self in fear of rejection and in doing so, I have been letting myself and my work down.  

2.  There is no "Secret".  If I was forced to tell you of such a secret, I would say it is comprised of hard work, raw talent, practice and authenticity.  God blessed so many people with these gifts which in itself, is a gift.  I embrace the beauty of others work and talent and find such beauty in the camaraderie of others with a shared passion.

3.  I am an artist first and foremost and in saying this I realize people will not always agree with my idea of beauty.  Some may not always think a picture I took is technically perfect or perhaps not something worth sharing with you but guess what?  In order not to stifle myself and in order to grow as an artist...I need to be my self regardless of how IMPERFECT I am!  


Yup.  I said it and from now on, imperfect, genuine and creative is what I strive to be above all else with my work so I am gonna let er' rip.  You will begin to see more of MY favorite images not only what I think others might want me to share because they are more "perfect".  

This is the only way the artist can continue to create without the world and media telling us what is "beautiful" what we "should" create and what people "ought to" respond to.  
I refuse to conform.

Ultimately, I am choosing raw and genuine over perfect which is great with me because of all things I know to be true, this is the truest...

Perfect is boring!

Thanks for coming along for the ride.  

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